Shame, soften the internal gaze

What is shame?

It is a universal emotion; we all experience it. However, some people feel it more intensely and frequently, to the point that it affects our view of ourselves and our surroundings. This is particularly common in people who have experienced trauma, as we may feel survivor's guilt, fall apart internally, or believe that somehow we deserved what happened to us. These beliefs can make us feel that the trauma was our fault.

How do you feel shame?

Although shame is a mental emotion, its effects are often felt in the body. Sometimes, the first sign that we are experiencing it is a physical reaction. These bodily manifestations can vary greatly from person to person and also depend on the type of thoughts that cause us shame.

Some of the most common physical sensations include:

• Nausea or stomach discomfort
• Facial flushing
• Sweating
• Trembling
• Muscle tension
• Panicking
• Shortness of breath

By learning to recognize how shame affects your body—for example, if you feel your jaw tense or have stomach pain—it will be easier for you to identify what you are feeling internally.

What does the voice of shame say?

Shame often manifests through an inner voice that reinforces our negative beliefs. This "voice of shame" tells us things like:

• I'm not enough.
• I don't deserve love or friendship.
• I should be more... / I should be less...
• I don't matter.
• I'm not doing anything right.
• I'm useless / I feel helpless.

For those with childhood trauma, these thoughts are part of our internal dialogue for years, even decades. Because of this, they can easily resurface in common situations, such as making a mistake, feeling rejected, or reading something on social media.

How to manage shame?

It’s important to understand that shame doesn’t just affect thoughts. For many, it is a long-term effect that deeply influences our behavior, how we face life, and how we build relationships. By better understanding shame, it will be easier for you to see how it affects you and what steps you can take to confront it or reduce its impact. Although it may seem like a huge task, you can start by analyzing how shame affects what you believe about yourself.

An excellent way to begin transforming these beliefs is to identify which ones most influence your daily decisions. Once you recognize them, you can use acknowledgment to challenge them and start changing them. Although deeply rooted beliefs in shame can feel very real and powerful, it is possible to modify them with time, practice, and self-compassion.

Tools for confronting shame

Write to me and I will send you three effective resources from my Reposact method. Each one offers you a practical way to work on the shame you might be feeling.