What defines our behaviors?
People with unresolved trauma often feel confusion, frustration, or shame about their own behaviors. They frequently feel that they have no control over them, or that it is impossible to change them, even when they wish to. In some cases, they may not even be aware that their actions are harmful and contribute to other difficulties in their lives.
It is helpful to remember that every behavior has a reason for being. Our actions are influenced by a number of factors, even if we are not fully aware of them. Some of these elements are:
- Our personality
- How we adapt to our environment
- What we learned from our caregivers
- The behaviors we observe in others
- The direct experiences we have lived
- Our emotions
When does a behavior become harmful?
A behavior becomes harmful when it begins to have negative consequences on our physical or mental health. Sometimes, we do not understand why we act in a certain way, even if those actions cause us long-term problems.
Often, these behaviors are driven by the limbic system of our brain, the part that instinctively responds upon perceiving danger. When the limbic system is activated, it drives us to seek safety, whether physical or emotional.
This response is vital for protecting us in risky situations. However, it can become problematic when the limbic system remains in a state of maximum alert even without a real threat. This type of hypervigilance is common in people who have experienced trauma, such as childhood sexual abuse.
The relationship between trauma and harmful behaviors
The traumatized limbic system often reacts to what it perceives as a threat, even if none exists. These perceived threats, linked to past trauma, are what we know as triggers. When the limbic system is activated, it leads us to behaviors, defense mechanisms, that in the past helped us feel safe or find relief.
Although some of these behaviors, defense mechanisms, may have been useful at the time, in the long run, they can become dysfunctional and cause more suffering. For example, dissociation may have helped you cope with abuse when you were young, but dissociating during a work meeting in adulthood can generate more anxiety and problems.
This is exacerbated if a survivor resorts to a harmful behavior every time the limbic system is activated, creating a dependency on defense mechanisms that offer temporary relief but cause more distress in the future. For example, sleeping to rest for a day is fine, but sleeping for hours and hours as an emotional escape is not helpful and can lead to issues such as isolation or neglecting responsibilities.
